mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
