I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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