the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
