have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
