I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
