Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
