He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
PANTIES FOUND
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
