Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
