lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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