I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
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