so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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