Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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