I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
