I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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