i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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