We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
