Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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