Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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