Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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