Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize