After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
