He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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