You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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