Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
