He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
