Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
