just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
