is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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