All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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