ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i may or may not be watching the land before time
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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