apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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