You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
