Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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