the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So much Jack, so little girl.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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