How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
