I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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