census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
