Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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