Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
