I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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