I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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