i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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