what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize