we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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