I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize