There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
