Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
