What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
