I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
