I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
