if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
