I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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