Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
