The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
