We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
