I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize