He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
