I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
