the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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