The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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