his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
