I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
