Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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