yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
